I HAD TO GO OUT AND TAKE CARE OF SOME THINGS AND I ENDED UP IN A BAD AREA HAVING A BAD TIME.



AT FIRST I THOUGHT I HAD HAD SOME KIND OF SEIZURE OR HAD FALLEN THROUGH A DIMENSION PROBLEM AND ENDED UP IN THE MIND OF A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL, WHICH WOULD BE AWFUL IF IT WAS TRUE.

BUT NO, I WAS JUST IN A PART OF TOWN THAT HAS DOLLAR STORES THAT AREN'T EVEN CHAIN DOLLAR STORES, WHICH MEANS THAT IT WAS AT SOME POINT IN TIME SOME INDIVIDUAL DUDE'S OWN VERY PERSONAL AND IMPORTANT AMBITION TO START HIS OWN DOLLAR STORE AND HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT, WHERE IN THE BLUE HELL DO YOU GET A WHOLE STORE FULL OF THINGS THAT YOU CAN SELL FOR A DOLLAR EACH AND STILL TURN A PROFIT, ARE THEY STOLEN? FROM THE MOON?

NO.

THEY ARE FROM RETARDED.

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY KIDS TODAY ARE SO FUCKING GODDAMNED DUMB, THEY CANNOT SPELL OR TALK RIGHT AND THEY MAKE PROBLEMS WITH THEIR "ARTS" AND "CRAFTS" AND "IDEAS", WELL DRINKER X IS HERE TO TELL YOU IT IS BECAUSE OF PLACES LIKE "DOLLAR MANIA", I THINK I'M PRETTY SURE THAT I SWEAR THIS PLACE WAS CALLED "DOLLAR MANIA" BUT I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER NOW, IT WAS SORT OF A BAD SCENE AND I THINK I CAUGHT A VIRUS IN THERE (UNDETERMINED GASTROINTESTINAL AILMENT, OR MAYBE THE FLU? S.A.R.S.? I GUESS, WE'LL SEE).



CARAMEL FILLED WITH CHILI AND WEARING A MASK? TEXTBOOK MEXICAN.



IF I EVER START MY OWN CEREAL COMPANY I GUESS I CAN "CUT CORNERS" AND SAVE "PENNIES ON THE DOLLAR" OR WHATEVER BY SHOPPING OUT ALL MY GRAPHIC DESIGN TASKS TO TEENAGERS WITH "DEVIANT ART" PAGES.



"YOU ARE RIGHT!"
"WOW! THAT'S RIGHT!"
"THERE YOU GO! RIGHT AGAIN!"
"CORRECTOMUNDO!" (WHAT)
"#1"
"AMAZING! YOU REALLY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT!"
"(ALWAYS) NOW ARE YOU HAPPY?"

IS THIS A THING (SIGN MAYBE YOU CAN POINT TO) FOR PEOPLE WITH RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS?



THIS THING, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS THING IS, IT'S NOT A PICTURE FRAME OR ANYTHING WITH ANY APPARENTLY USE OR THE FUNCTION, UNLESS "HAVING A TOPLESS CERAMIC PLAQUE OF A MERMAID" IS A USEFUL THING TO ACTIVATE IN YOUR LIFE. IT JUST IS WHAT IT IS, SO IF YOU WANT MERMAID TITS AND HOT PINK NIPPLES AND UM A SHINY LITTLE PINK BOW (TO CLASS IT UP I GUESS, PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING) THEN SEND ME A DOLLAR AND I'LL HOOK YOU UP NEXT TIME I AM IN AN AWFUL PART OF TOWN.

I WONDER WHAT THE GUY AT THE STORE WOULD HAVE SAID IF I HAD BOUGHT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE (THERE WERE LIKE 20-30), I THINK THAT WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST DAY OF HIS LIFE AND IT WOULD PROBABLY CHANGE THE WAY HE THOUGHT ABOUT DOLLAR MANIA AND I COULD GO BACK LIKE SIX WEEKS LATER AND LIKE HALF THE STORE WOULD BE CERAMIC SOFTCORE, CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE SUCH A PLEASURE PALACE?



THIS IS A THREE-HEADED PISSED-OFF EAGLE, IT IS FOR THE U S A.

DON'T MESS WITH U S A OR WE WILL SEND THIS THING TO YOUR COUNTRY.



"LA'S TOTALLY AWESOME™ (ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY) DOG SHAMPOO"

LA DOESN'T FUCK AROUND ABOUT DOG SHAMPOO, JUST LOOK AT THAT DOG, THAT IS THE CLEANEST FUCKING DOG, AND TOTALLY AWESOME™, TOO, MUCH BETTER THAN AIR BUD BECAUSE THIS DOG HAS NOTHING TO PROVE, HE IS JUST LAYING AROUND CONTENT IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE IS TOTALLY AWESOME™, I THINK THIS DOG AND ME REALLY HAVE A LOT IN COMMON (BUT I DID NOT BUY THE SHAMPOO.) (I DO NOT OWN A DOG..).



"LUSTI PETROLEUM JELLY", OFFERED WITHOUT COMMENT.

ALSO I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE TOYS.

THE MARINES DO "TOYS FOR TOTS", WELL DRINKER X IS HERE TO BRING YOU "TOYS FOR TOTS WITH FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME" (THEY WILL NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOOD TOYS AND BAD AND SO WILL APPRECIATE ANY OLD THING).



"FUZZLE FUNNY"
"EVERY STYLES FULLY WONDERFUL"
"PLEASE REFERENCE THE DRAWING!"

WHAT DOES A KID DO WITH THIS BESIDES LOOK AT IT AND START CRYING.



"EXTREME COMBAT FORCI"
"BEAUTIFUL
LATEST
NOBLE"

(PTSD)



"DARE YOU TO TEASE ME!"
"CAT ATTAK"
"GROWLING, SHAKING, SPINNING AND SNARLING"

SPINNING, THE MOST TERRIFYING ATTAK IN THE JUNGLE.



"THE GUN WITH MANY KINDS OF SOUND AND LASER"

HE HAS A MOTHERFUCKING DOLLAR SIGN BELT BUCKLE, U S A THE GUN SPACE TEAM FOREVER (I AM AN HONORARY MEMBER).



"SWEET BABY (FUNNY PLAY) : LET'S GO!"

EVERY BABY NEEDS A MOTHERFUCKING BLOW DRYER. THAT'S FUNNY PLAY.

AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT GODDAMNED LEAST:



NO
DO NOT PUT THINGS FROM THE DOLLAR STORE UP AGAINST YOUR CUNT
EVER


DRINKER X

- 30 -